Book copyright 2008 by James Patterson. Audiobook copyright 2008 by Hachette Audio and published by Books on Tape, Westminster MD. Narrated by Ellen Archer.
I don’t normally review audiobooks because I feel that listening to a book while I drive both avoids the effort of actually reading the book and allows my mind to wander, so I don’t get the full experience intended by the author. In addition, the version I listened to in this case was abridged so I don’t know what I missed.
But I am going to review this one because I want to warn you to stay far, far away from one of the most ridiculous and God-awful books I have ever encountered.
I am grateful that it was an abridgment as the full book would have been just that much more misery.
The first clue that I was in for drivel was here: “written by James Patterson and Gabrielle Charbonnet.” Any time you get a book attributed to “<famous author> and <unknown author>” you know damn well that it was written by <unknown author> and <famous author> is just along for the ride, to lend his name and collect some royalties without doing any real writing. James Patterson, though not my favorite author, is a talented writer who is capable of penning a good story. He should be ashamed to have sold his name to be attached to this crap.
The protagonist in this book is Jane Margaux who, as a child, had an imaginary friend – a grown man named Michael. We learn, early on, that Imaginary Friend is a real profession, populated by beings who can be seen by the children but are invisible to adults. An inviolate rule of the Imaginary Friend profession is that you must leave when the child turns 9. The child will have no recollection of this friend and the friend will eventually have no recollection of the child, though it seems that the memory of the Imaginary Friend exceeds that of the child. Why? I have no clue.
Still with me?
With Jane and Michael, this inviolate “forget all” rule was violated and they don’t forget. Why? I have no clue. They meet again 23 years later and fall in love. Yes, Michael is still wandering the world creepily being an Imaginary Friend to young kids. But between assignments he lives a mostly-real life and is visible to adults. Why? I have no clue. Except that he isn’t exactly human. He never gets sick, never ages, never has to worry about where his money is coming from – he just snaps his fingers and money fills his pockets. One of his superpowers. He can also, with the snap of his fingers, summon a cab. While on these between-child sabbaticals he even has sex. Inquiring minds want to know: is he able, with the snap of his fingers, to summon a massive instant erection? Now THERE is a superpower that men would kill for.
I found myself wondering about the Imaginary Friend organization. Who runs it? Who makes the kid/friend assignments? How does the Imaginary Friend get to a new assignment? How is an Imaginary Friend created? How is one destroyed? Do they receive annual performance reviews? Do they get cost-of-living raises (i.e., more cash on a finger snap)? Are taxes paid on their instant income? And, most importantly, are the sperm produced by an Imaginary Friend real or imaginary? If he impregnated a woman would the child be half real and half imaginary?
Those are interesting questions and drilling down on them might result in an interesting sci-fi story. But what we have here is dreck.
This book actually gets good reviews on Amazon. The most charitable explanation I can concoct is that it is similar to Pinnochio – the puppet who became a boy. But that is a fairy tale. This is passed off as adult literature.
It ain’t literature, folks. It is dreck.
By the way, Tiffany’s appears in the book exactly once. Why the title? Again, I have no clue. This book is the product of authors who had no clue.
1 out of 10.
