Uncle Bob

My uncle Bob passed away just over a week ago. He was 86, so it is hard to say he died before his time, but he was in good health and his death was a shock, particularly since his wife, my aunt Marion, had died just 10 weeks before. It was particularly shocking to my cousin Jim, who lives near his father. He got a phone call from Bob at 1am. Bob said he thought he needed to go to the hospital. Jim, not thinking that it was critical, got dressed and drove over to take him to the hospital. And walked in to find him dead, with the phone still in his hand.

Bob was a true gentleman farmer. He ran a successful farm for many years, but his life was defined more by his service to others than by his profession. He was very active in his church, veteran’s organizations and various charitable causes. He was liked by everyone. And loved by his family. His grandchildren – some of whom I had never met and all of whom I had not seen since they were children – were clearly devastated by his death.

My earliest memory of Bob was his return from the Korean War/Conflict in 1953 when I was 4. He cut a dashing figure in his dress uniform and I thought him to be quite the hero for so bravely fighting the yellow hordes over there. Family events were always fun with Bob and his brother Mike bantering good-naturedly back and forth and telling awful Ole and Lena jokes. My view of Bob as a brave, tough guy was enhanced when he had a horrible farming accident some years later that took three fingers of his hand (and nearly his life). Bob somehow managed to extract himself from the machinery that was attempting to devour him, wrapped his hand in some cloth and drove to the neighbor’s house to ask for assistance. Knowing that his neighbor’s wife was squeamish, his thoughtfully held his bloody stump behind his back until help arrived.

That I was able to attend the funeral was due to a combination of circumstances where everything fell into place for me. First, he died on the right day of the week so his funeral was on a Saturday. And it happened to be the Saturday when I was already scheduled to fly back to Florida. And my air carrier was Southwest which is just about the only airline that doesn’t extract a pound of flesh if you want to change your itinerary. And I had just turned 65, so I got the senior discount on the new flights. And Southwest had convenient non-stop flights both from Manchester, NH, to Midway Airport in Chicago and from Midway to Fort Myers. And, most significantly, Jett had packed a set of funeral clothes for me.

Yes, she had anticipated the possibility of a death in the family while I was away. I’m sure she was thinking more about my mother than my Uncle Bob, but the fact that I had appropriate clothes to wear made the trip more feasible.

It all worked out for me and I was happy that I could attend. Bob was, after all, one of my favorite uncles.

I guess I would call it a fortunate confluence of circumstances in an unfortunate situation.

Springdale Lutheran Church

It was great seeing the cousins again – including cousin David (Bob’s oldest son) who I had not seen in over 40 years since he moved west – but spending two days in frigid Wisconsin (yes, it was even colder than MA) was not pleasant. It has been a brutal winter almost everywhere in the US this year and Wisconsin did not escape. Residents were calling it the coldest winter in 30 years. The funeral and burial, in Mt Horeb, just outside Madison, took place in a snowstorm and 10 degree temperatures. It was a grim day for a grim event.

Burial in a snowstorm

Military honor guard

But it wasn’t all grim. Before the casket was closed the children and grandchildren placed various objects of affection in the casket with Bob. One of the last items – placed there by his daughter – was a talking mechanical bear (Bob had quite a collection). The bear started chattering and continued to do so for a minute after the casket was closed. It was hilarious – an appropriate sendoff for Bob, who liked a joke as well as anyone. If he had been there he would have enjoyed the humor.

Post-funeral feast

After the burial the church served up some classic funeral fare. It was a pot-luck feast prepared by the grateful parishioners of the Springdale Lutheran Church. But for those of you back east or down south who might not be familiar with the midwestern delicacies that have been served at such events since time began (or at least as long as I can remember), let me introduce you to some of the food that you will find if you are ever invited to a midwestern Lutheran funeral. From the 9 o’clock position and moving clockwise, we have:

• mac and cheese with crushed Ritz crackers
• macaroni salad with peas and Miracle Whip
• lasagna casserole
• ham-and-butter sandwich (yes, butter)
• cherry Jell-o with canned fruit cocktail and mini marshmallow topping

I know some of you will say “yecchh!” but I can tell you that it is all quite tasty.  And you will need those calories to survive the Wisconsin winter.